Suggestions for Managing Health Reform in 2014

Unfortunately for Mr. Obama, the spotlight on the some of the more unsavory aspects of the NSA's surveillance programs has forced him to call for "changes." In doing so, he turned to every rhetorical trick at his command, including minimizing Snowden's role, obfuscating the original intentions of the Patriot Act's authors and countering with largely cosmetic tweaks.

Good thing that Obamacare has avoided a similar fate. Despite similar levels of public skepticism further compounded by the steady drip of implementation delays with other unintended consequences, the President can hang tough by resisting any and all statutory changes to the Affordable Care Act. Signaling any willingness to alter the legislation could embolden his foes, dismay his allies and prompt countless poison pill amendments.

The obvious political calculus:  silence, veto threats and burying any changes in web site legalese.

Yet, the ever-prepared Disease Management Care Blog wants to help.  In the unlikely event that Mr. Obama has to compromise on health care reform without really compromising, it offers up this teleprompter-ready statement that incorporates condescension, selected truths and confusion:

"Despite my calls for bipartisan dialogue on how to further vilify fat-cat insurance executives, the debate on how to best implement Obamacare has proceeded in a not-always civil way. Like the DMCB's mother, I'm not angry, I'm disappointed. [applause] 

While I'm annoyed at the failure of my supporters and opponents to grasp the obvious, I'm also reassured that 20% of our nation's GDP is being expertly managed by our superbly trained White House health economists. [applause]  You should be too.  [applause]

I also know that continued unmanaged debate could complicate health care reform faster than one of my lawyer-friends suing an ACO for withholding care. That's why, effective today, I'm changing the subject by announcing that I will meet with hand-picked members of Congress.  I'll seek to improve the public's confidence in Obamacare by creating legislation that establishes the Commission of Official Managerial Assessment (COMA).  This will be a special office within the IRS. This expert commission will monitor, report, assess, analyze, examine, subpoena, audit, interpret, leak, manage, spin and regulate key aspects of Affordable Care Act's implementation.

Image from Wikipedia

Leveraging Celebrities to Market Obamacare

According to this The Hill article, President Obama took a break from tackling red lines, gun control, immigration reform, Trayvon Martin, the economy to make an appearance at a July 22 Obamacare promotion-planning meeting that included a host of A-list celebrities.  They'll be needed to convince the young invincibles to pony up hundreds of dollars for health insurance that they don't want.

Despite the DMCB spouse's unflattering assessment of her husband's media chops, the Disease Management Care Blog thinks it should have been in that White House room. 

It has a lot to contribute.

For example, American Idol finalist Jennifer Hudson was there.  How about a new CMS-sponsored talent show, says the DMCB, that is hosted by Ms. Hudson, called American Muddle? Enter the early crooning favorite, Hope Igeddadok, singing a reprise of that Dire Straits hit, "Money for Nothing."

And what about Improv comedy artist Amy Poehler? After a great stint at SLN, she went on to star in the hit comedy show, Parks and Recreation.  The DMCB suggests a pro-Obamacare commercial that features Deadlock and MakeItUpAsWeGoAlongination.

And fresh from being tossed under the campaign bus by Valerie and Michelle, Oprah Winfry is back in play. Given Oprah's masterful interview of disgraced bicyclist Lance Armstrong, positively spinning Obamacare and the IRS should be a piece of cake. First up, the IRS Chief Counsel!

Alicia Keys was there and can she sing! She can be this "Girl Is On Hire" for Obamacare in an MTV video-advert.

And it was no accident that Bon Jovi's people were there, what with a song list that includes "Livin' on a Payor," "Panel Says Dead or Alive," "It's My Right," "You Give Hope a Bad Name," "Runaway Costs," "Bad Medicine" and "Shot Through the Heart and We'll Still Pay."

Last but not least, folks must have been excited about Will Ferrell. Since his Bush impersonation has run its course, Ron Burgundy may be the best choice for some faux-news insights.  He can provide periodic updates on how the health insurance exchanges are going: "They've done studies you know," "Sixty percent of the time it works every time," "In a glass case of emotion," and "Stay classy, Obamacare."

If anyone in the White House is reading this, just drop an email.  The DMCB is ready to roll up its sleeves and help.